Slinger Sooth-Salad

Seemingly Sad Excuse for a Sidereal


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The boy who would become Slinger Sooth-Salad was born in the West to a middle class family of sailing merchants. His entire life was a juxtaposition of being super cool and being a complete dork.

When he was fifteen, he lost his virginity to the hottest twenty year old girl on an island he was visiting. However, after the dirty deed, a group of friends burst in to as a surprise and give him high fives for being such a stud. However, it startled him so much when they burst in, Slinger literally pissed himself. So, in a situation where he should have been a legend, he ended up with a completely embarrassing reputation.

His whole life was like that.

When he was ten, he fought off four older bullies at the same time, right in front of everybody. However, after he chased them off, as he strutted away, he slipped and fell headfirst into a barrel of fish chum.

When he was eighteen he stumbled upon a magic artifact hidden in a seaside cave. As he was rowing his rowboat up to the docks to show everybody, he stood up to hold the artifact aloft in a triumphant pose. However, right then his belt frayed, and his pants fell down. As he scrambled to pull them up, he dropped the artifact in the ocean, where it immediately sank.

When a team of four experienced Sidereals came to Creation to get him in order to bring him to Heaven to start his training before he Exalted, he somehow evaded them for four weeks (which is almost impossible for a mere mortal to do). However, during the process, he got trapped in one of those cartoony traps where there is a rope on the ground that grabs your foot and hangs you upside down. The trap was set there by a bunch of twelve year old boys who then started to pelt him with rotten peaches. The Sidereals had to rescue him.

Slinger Sooth-Salad

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